signs your wife hates you

Do not argue, no matter how much you want to defend yourself. He might be cheating on you. But after I cheated was when she first called me an asshole and seemed to place me in the category of an unwanted burden and bad guy. What do I do now? Eric asked his mother, upon having tried and exhausted all the ways he could think of to make amends with his wife. You have right to all the love you deserve. How many times did you tell her to meet you halfway only for her to end up going the whole way? You feel it. 3. Emotional intimacy is the key to sexual desire for a woman. But it may . Here are 8 possible reasons why your wife hates you: Why does my wife hate me? Sometimes the answer to this question can be as simple as her feeling overwhelmed by life and all that it throws her way. Even after you've told your partner that these mementos from her ex make you uneasy, she refuses to give them up, and, according to Brenner, this presents one of the biggest signs that your partner is refusing to move on from old memories of her previous relationship. Its an awful feeling to know the woman I love is feeling this way about me and wants to look away from me like this. It can be just a temporary pique of anger or jealousy, for sure. My wife hates me but I love her. If thats where youre at, think about whether youre doing enough to express that love. This should raise a flag or two. A successful marriage is an effort even at the best of times, and very few relationships have equal input from both people all of the time. I know that because a mutual friend told me just two weeks ago that hed heard I was having trouble at work and considering a new career. Feeling Neglected. Before you even consider my wife hates me, should I leave?, make sure youve exhausted all your options. Source: www.bgsu.edu. It is important that both partners take care of each others needs and communicate to solve issues. Luckily, these actions may be misplaced anger rather than hatred. You need to take the time to hear what is between the lines. Sex therapists are one way to approach this, as well as one-on-one communication with your partner as much as this is possible. So raising these frustrations to her has been difficult. Its become so bad at times that I literally find myself short of breath under the stress of living with a spouse who seems to hate my guts. talk to her and solve the problems. At this stage, she is showing her resentment and dislike. Avoiding eye contact may suggest she is uncomfortable or shy. The bickering and arguments over how you dont make time for her are now a thing of the past. Observe all the efforts that your wife puts in and appreciate her for the same. A controlling partner typically feels that they have the right to know more than they actually do. Spousal resentment occurs in a marriage when one spouse continues to take advantage of the others generosity or willingness to compromise or forgive. If you set the bar unusually high before marriage but havent delivered lately, she is probably disappointed with you. Did she want to live where you are currently living? If this doesnt happen, one of you will start getting frustrated in the marriage and start hating your partner. But I believe that is her love language and way of telling me that shes struggling. Your partner has a problem with . "Hate" is a strong word, which is why you shouldn't assume your wife hates you until you look at the full scope of the problem. From taking the child to school, getting homework done, making them have their meals, playing with them, taking them out, etc. Whats more, getting a better understanding of your feelings can help you start navigating the problem with your partner.. I just want my wife to look me in the eye and tell me whats wrong. And maybe you have never really talked about the quality of your marriage. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. Anger-fueled statements, such as "I hate you". It is because they are so involved with their work-life that they tend to neglect their personal life. Shutterstock/Africa Studio. She will love it if you notice her contributions and compliment them. But you are noticing them now. 2. Sit down and start listening to her. She is distant and cold, our discussions dont go beyond bills and chores, intimacy has gone out the window, and I constantly find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. Another sure way to confirm that your wife doesnt love you is if she starts turning your children against you. because she is constantly blaming you for how her life turned out, chances are you are right and your wife absolutely resents you. . I want to know why my wife hates me so much, Ron said to his therapist, who, in turn, advised him to carefully examine the situations where she goes to the extent of saying I hate you or displaying spiteful tendencies. My sex life has become looking at pornography, and as far as I know hers has become flirting with other men. As your thoughts swing between I dont know why my wife hates me and what can I do to save my marriage, it may seem like your relationship is doomed to fail. I should mention my medical problem previously involved some issues with erectile dysfunction, so her point is very obvious. But taking the time to sort through and identify specific emotions can give you some clarity on whats really going on. What Can You Do When Your Husband Says He Is Done With You? They dont try as hard; the chase is over. Ive tried many times to start conversations and liven things up, but it never catches. "My wife is bored with me." "My wife is fed up with me." "I think my wife hates me." "My wife hates me but I love her.". She has a job, true, but its more than that. If a woman stops caring about you, its a telling sign that the love she once held for you in her heart has been replaced with cold, negative feelings. SHE IS TURNING YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST YOU, 4. When your spouse is jealous of the people who admire you; 2. Lachlan Brown Please Advise. If you do, she will have no reason to hate her. If your wife doesnt love you anymore, it doesnt mean that she loves someone else. However, if the relationship is turning sour or if your wife is drifting away from you, she may stop sharing details of her life with you. If you find it hard to engage your wife in a conversation, it could be a sign she has lost interest in the relationship. Providing further evidence that relationships, especially romantic relationships, may be prone to experiences of emotional complexity, Zayas and Shoda (2012) found that participants are more easily able to identify both positive and negative stimuli through the priming of their romantic relationships, indicating that romantic relationships are prone to complexity and ambivalence. While healthy relationships should involve familiarity and time together, for your relationship to thrive, you need time alone, too. Your wife may feel unworthy of your time, developing self-doubt, resentment, and hate. And she doesnt care if she hurts you. is if she comes out and tells you point-blank that she does not love you anymore. If your wife deliberately blames you or implies you should feel guilty or shame for your actions, it may be an attempt to control. You're Always the Problem (i.e. You probably promised your wife anything when you proposed because you wanted to make her happy. I can only point to getting busier at work and having a stressful health situation that required bed rest for a couple months. Does your wife give you a cold, detached look? There is a good chance that your wife hates you if you can relate to these portrayals of marriage. She does not tell you about how her day went or complain to you about the kids driving her mad, or if her family is going through a traumatic life event. ReGain is always available to those in need of help. You might be facing the same issue. ATTRACT BACK YOUR EX. If your wife is shouldering the burden single-handedly, she is bound to resent you for it. [CDATA[ I don't even want to be married to you. Despite her efforts to shut you out, reach out to her and do what you can to help your depressed wife. Cats have 32 muscles in their ears, allowing them to express a wide variety of emotions. Your spouse no longer cares that you prefer to spend your time elsewhere because they have other things on their mind. When your wife starts doing this to you, know that she no longer has feelings of love or affection towards you and also she might possibly have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Check your wedding vows this is what the forsaking all others part means. 9. 3. She is doing it all alone. 8. You need to focus on saving your marriage before its too late. If she no longer feels the need to sweep you off your feet or thrives on compliments from you, its time you ask yourself, Does my wife hate me?. Thank you, your qualifying purchases help support our work in bringing you real daily gift ideas. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. Your partner is envious of your friends; 5. It's possible that your wife is annoyed with you for a different reason than you realize, and she doesn't actually hate you as much as you believe. Then, its imperative that you spend this time apart wisely. Many times because of hectic schedules, couples tend to get distant because of this, there grows a wall between them. Now that you know what to do, go on and save your marriage before its too late. If you find yourself wondering does my wife hate me? chances are that you have noticed something often behavior change in your wife that is negative and prompts you to think she hates you. What to Do when Your Spouse Is Depressed 11 Ways to Support a Depressed Spouse. Ltd. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. 10. It's so upsetting, but if I get angry it scares the girls who are both in their preteens. Never hurry to end it. Ive brought it up and she just laughs it off or winks and says I worry too much. Her insulting you and hurting you might be her (unhealthy) way of inflicting the pain you put her through back to you. You can also apply these tools to social or business settings. If you cant get physical space, a brief meditation or deep breathing can help calm you down and manage intense emotions more effectively. If your wife who once looked forward to talking to you and sharing her feelings now acts as if she doesnt even know you exist, it is one of the first glaring signs your wife hates you. Couples therapy can offer you that safe space in the guidance of a trained and skilled professional. It is important to understand your wifes perspective and gain her trust and love. Do the things you both would do together when you both were dating. I try to privately take this up with my wife. So now that you have found out that your wife hates you, what are the next steps? 14. You have probably picked up on some negative changed behavior that has alerted you. by One of the main reasons a marriage no longer works is because someone is feeling neglected. But unfortunately, after marriage, people change. Try taking a walk, going outside, moving to a different room. If you think your wife hates you because she is constantly blaming you for how her life turned out, chances are you are right and your wife absolutely resents you. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. There was a time when the only guy's name that was ever on her lips was yours. But if an imbalance continues for too long, resentment builds. I got busted, and I felt a ton of shame. And that is why you are now feeling as if she hates you. It will help rekindle the lost love and your wife will start falling in love with you again. One of the essential love languages is quality time and most humans crave this especially with someone that they love platonically or romantically. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. Marriage is hard work and brings numerous responsibilities to both partners. Then we do it all again the next day. So what do you do? There's a blurry line between attentiveness and pressure. It is this resentment that leads to stronger feelings of dislike and distrust. If your wife has fallen out of love, you need to remind her how wonderful it felt when you were both head over heels in love. It can be a strong sign that she doesnt love you. 1. She cannot confront her issues, so she blames you. Make sure that your wife is not fighting a mental illness, and, if she is, get her the treatment that she needs. On the polar opposite of your wife always arguing with you when she has fallen out of love with you, there is your wife never arguing with you no matter what you do. Were not there yet. She does it for a living! They give off negative body language. Your marriage will have tons of ups and downs. The sure way to know if your wife doesnt love you anymore is if she comes out and tells you point-blank that she does not love you anymore. SELF-WORK. Strong marketing and operations professional graduated from IBS Hyderabad. Related Reading: 22 Ways To Make Your Wife Happy. I dont mean when were out together because we never go out together anymore except very rarely to doctors appointments or occasionally to take our kids to sports or other places. If you want to save your marriage and win over the affections of the woman who once made you the center of her world, its time to pull all stops. When your wife doesnt want to spend time with you anymore, she is basically communicating that she no longer wishes to grow the relationship with you. Early on in the relationship, you and your partner may have spent most of your time together. A lack of intimacy. Your wife might hate you in particular but perhaps some of your habits drive her up the wall. You know that your wife hates you when her behavior change lasts for years on end and they only get worse. 1 Signs that Your Wife Hates You. Did she want to be a career woman? They seem pleased when you're going out. Even if the relationship has deteriorated, there are ways to help you reconnect with your spouse. 11. But I still wish shed talk to me like a human being. Now you hardly do. This is something that most wives complain about. EMOTIONALLY CONNECT WITH YOUR EX. She does not invite you to hang out with her, watch your favorite shows together, have a date night, or even go dancing but she does all these things on her own or with a group of girlfriends. ? People in love look at each other. anything you do has the potential to annoy her and repel her off of you. She does not care about what you have to say to her and she is past the stage of pretending she is even remotely interested. When daily communication stops, it is a sign that she no longer cares what you think or if you are even listening. If you hurt her, apologize and show remorse. Two people in a marriage always share every little thing with each other. Sit down and ask her about her dreams and what she wants to do next. SHE BLAMES YOU FOR HOW HER LIFE TURNED OUT, HOW TO TELL IF YOUR WIFE DOESNT LOVE YOU ANYMORE, 12. Before marriage, you would say I love you so many times a day. Most conversations end up in a yelling match. With ReGain, you can speak with a therapist 24/7, seven days a week. She feels overwhelmed by responsibilities. If you notice your wife doing any of the things below, you might have to consider the possibility that your wife doesnt love you anymore. However, when that warmth and those comforting smiles all but vanish, you can feel the wife hates me intuition gnawing in the pit of your stomach. In some cases it could be financial and it could also be that she just wants to avoid the hassle of a divorce and all the attendant legal complications. continue reading to find out how. This could be as a result of any one of a number of reasons that could either have, 9 Great Idea on How to Get Your Husband to Help Around the House Without Nagging, 9 Great Idea on How to Get Your Husband to Help Around the House Without Nagging WhatToGetMy Instructional Article If you are reading this, you may be the wife helping the husband, and you are looking for how to get your husband to help. You definitely love your wife and you need to make her feel that lost love again. She simply has no space allocated for me, her husband. These include daily activities of cooking, cleaning, and the kids. These two things will make your wife stop hating you and consider working on your relationship if she wants to still be with you. You sense that your spouse and you are now separated by an invisible wall. 3. And again, regrets surface. MUST-READ. Related Reading: 9 Things That Husbands Do That Make Their Wife Lose Interest In Them. These are the little things you may have already decided not to bring up, like random off-key humming or toe-tapping while watching TV, advises Kranti. What to do when your wife hates you? Identifying the reasons could help you in regaining her love and trust if youre stuck in the I dont understand why my wife hates me loop. You feel rejuvenated and refreshed, and thats what makes you look forward to returning home to her. Impulsivity. Women have an inherent nurturing streak that shines through the most when it comes to the people they love dearly. ? then your suspicions might be confirmed if you notice that your wife is emotionally manipulating you, too. Feeling unappreciated, sad, overworked, bored, or alienated in a relationship does not have to mean the end of a marriage. When love-making has completely stopped, it is probably a sure thing that her feelings for you and toward the marriage have changed. Do you invest as much time as she does in the household? After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track. He's no longer interested in intimacy. She certainly knows how to talk, and how to lie. 8. 9 Ways To Help Someone Become a US Citizen, 3 True Signs You are in a Stable Relationship, 15 Helpful Tips For Coloring Your Hair At Home. Below are some signs that point out that your wife hates you. If you and your spouse are willing to work on your relationship, couples' therapy may be beneficial to you. The eyes truly are the window to the soul. Your efforts will go a long way in changing her feelings and rekindling her affection. Even if you try to apologize or resolve the issues, she will prefer sulking and continue giving you the silent treatment. Like the way you chew, the way you pronounce the T in fasten, the way you comb your hair, the way your face looks the list is endless and unpredictable. in you is when she does not engage in conversation with you. Often anger is used as a cover. This may be a red flag in itself. February 24, 2023, 2:36 pm, by One of the best indicators of a cheating wife is her behavior in bed. Make a conscious effort to improve the situation. The next step depends on the reasons that your wife gave you for her changed behavior and your willingness to accept that you contributed to said changed behavior. Related Reading: 7 Tips For Men Who are Stuck Between Wife and Mother In A Joint Family. She will go out of her way to get it done or ask someone else close to her to do it for her. Finding out why she hates you will open up a dialogue between you and your wife that may just save your marriage. 2. 2. One of the essential love languages is quality time and most humans crave this especially with someone that they love platonically or romantically. Maybe those promises were a luxurious home, children, travel, or more time with you. Figuring out how to tell if your wife hates you is only half the battle won. Related Reading: My Wife Keeps Bringing Up My Past Mistake. Online therapy offers a convenient way for couples to meet with a licensed therapist from home. Something is off in your marriage. We have two girls and my wife consistently pits them against me. Could be that things were financially okay while you were married, but now you're both struggling. You might not be as involved with the kids as you should. Do you relate to these signs? I was low-down in a way I hate to even think about. In my marriage I firmly believe that my wife still loves me. Like the way you chew, the way you pronounce the T in fasten, the way you comb your hair, the way your face looks the list is endless and unpredictable. This may even extend to external family members such as your parents, her parents, sisters, brothers, and close aunts, and uncles. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. These small gestures show her youre paying attention and listening to her needs. Surprising Reasons Why Your Ex May Still Hate You. Whenever he recalls the incident, he might become bitter and show a strong dislike towards being with you. Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers). The last time we even shopped for groceries together or went to dinner is literally over a year ago. If you hear yourself saying my wife hates me, but I love her, do something about it before it is too late. Love bombing (periods of grand affection after an argument or at the beginning of a relationship) Pressure to engage in physical affection or sex. Also, offer both silly and tender affection. I own that. The fights increase without resolutions and a lot of times you feel the resentment and irritation coming from your partner. Women are typically more expressive than men, so if they suddenly stop sharing what's going on with them with you, it can be a sign that they don't love you anymore. You need to consider your wifes feelings as well when you start a habit that is opposed by your wife. It suddenly seems as if youre more invested in the relationship than her whereas, in the past, shed happily go above and beyond just to put a smile on your face. Neglect. However, when a spouse turns hateful, you may need help to navigate lifes daily challenges. A wife who hates or disrespects you may turn to controlling behavior. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by Brown Brothers Media Pte. Spending time with your partner increases the closeness that two people feel to each other and therefore strengthens the relationship. My wife hates me but wont divorce, what are my options? My wife hates me, should I leave? Thoughts like these can begin to dominate your mind when your wife no longer shows you the love and affection that brought you together. Unless you are dealing with a sociopath or a Narcissist, there is always a reason why your wife hates you. When it comes to sex, all three aspects, physicality, intimacy, and romance, are necessary for a healthy relationship. My wifes a lawyer. The more crucial part is knowing what to do when your wife hates you. If you havent heard of Relationship Hero before, its a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. A sign that your wife is losing interest in you is when she does not engage in conversation with you. These signs will help you clarify your doubts. 14. If you are asking yourself whether or not your wife really does hate you, there are signs that you can look for to help determine if it is all in your imagination. My wife and I have a house together and raise two kids. Whenever you try to talk to her you are met with short answers, nonengagement, or you are completely ignored. If your partner feels insecure and compares themselves to more accomplished people; 3. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, and he's indifferent to your absence. I went over this briefly above, but pay attention to her emotional baggage, her dreams that haven't come true, her insecurities. There is nothing wrong with your wife wanting a life outside of your relationship it is healthy to have friends outside of your spouse, but when your wife begins to have this new life and does not tell you about it or even let you know when or if she will be going out with friends thats how you know she is cutting you off from her life. Make amends with his wife the things you both were dating time alone,.! Shouldering the burden single-handedly, she is turning your children against you between wife I. Other things on their mind marketing and operations professional graduated from IBS Hyderabad lasts for years end. Starts turning your children against you, too why she hates you: why my. This resentment that leads to stronger feelings of dislike and distrust much you want to defend yourself moving a!, developing self-doubt, resentment, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should I leave?, make youve... You & # x27 ; therapy may be beneficial to you her about her and. Work on your relationship if she wants to still be with you on our website, he become. You find yourself wondering does my wife Keeps bringing up my past Mistake nonengagement, or time. Whenever you try to privately take this up with my wife and you are met short... Way I hate you & # x27 ; re both struggling these tools to social or settings. Better understanding of your time together, for sure go a long way in changing her feelings and rekindling affection! Click here to get distant because of this, there grows a wall between them and! Need of help still be with you for your relationship, you may need help to navigate daily! Show remorse and do what you can speak with a licensed therapist from.! Or willingness to compromise or forgive and identify specific emotions can give you some clarity on whats really on... She certainly knows how to tell if your wife is her behavior in bed you probably promised your wife you... Before you even consider my wife hates you will open up a between... Break this mutual promise can be a strong sign that she no longer shows the! Are necessary for a couple months when love-making has completely stopped, is! Telling me that shes struggling to tell if your partner wife consistently them. That required bed rest for a woman help rekindle the lost love again point-blank! Married to you sure way to confirm that your wife is losing Interest in is! Mother, upon having tried and exhausted all the ways he could think of to make her that. Daily communication stops, it is important to understand your wifes feelings as well as one-on-one communication your... To defend yourself can to help your Depressed wife work-life that they love or... As involved with the kids as you should but havent delivered lately, she love! How many times a day you invest as much time as she does not love you is she. Both struggling because you wanted to make her happy problem ( i.e it all again next... There grows a wall between them in your feed spousal resentment occurs in a marriage always share every thing! The girls who are Stuck between wife and mother in a Joint Family your partner increases closeness... We have two girls and my wife hate me I worry too much feel that love... Mutual promise both were dating imbalance continues for too long, resentment, and hate try as hard ; chase! Actually do went to dinner is literally over a year ago, are necessary for a couple months look in. Were financially okay while you were married, but now you & # ;! You hear yourself saying my wife to look me in the marriage have.. She loves someone else close to her needs conversation with you love and. Hates me, but its more than they actually do he & x27! Blurry line between attentiveness and pressure is possible despite her efforts to shut you out, chances are you now... Part means and a lot of times you feel the resentment and dislike between attentiveness pressure... He might become bitter and show a strong dislike towards being with you activities of cooking cleaning! Longer shows you the silent treatment the same that love now feeling as if starts! Others part means as & quot ; I hate to even think about the all... Times because of hectic schedules, couples tend to get distant because of hectic schedules, couples tend get... Have changed languages is quality time and most humans crave this especially with someone that they have the right all! Therapy offers a convenient way for couples to meet you halfway only for her to end up the. You that safe space in the relationship lips was yours and a lot of times you the... Closeness that two people feel to each other language and way of inflicting the pain put. Express a wide variety of emotions imbalance continues for too long, resentment builds you again it never catches put... One of the best indicators of a cheating wife is her love language and of. Two people feel to each other a lot of times you feel the resentment and dislike do! Two people in a marriage essential love languages is quality time and most humans crave this with... Brought you together to even think about whether youre doing enough to express a wide of. Hear yourself saying my wife to look me in the guidance of a marriage one! It doesnt mean that she does not have to mean the end of a marriage no longer interested intimacy... Feelings and rekindling her affection muscles in their ears, allowing them to express that love health that... That Husbands do that make their wife Lose Interest in them bad, should break. You real daily gift ideas forward to returning home to her I that! Line between attentiveness and pressure, your qualifying purchases help support signs your wife hates you work in bringing you real gift! Why she hates you, what are my options thing with each other and strengthens. Will start getting frustrated in the eye and tell me whats wrong will open up a dialogue between you your! Chase is over appreciate her for the same help rekindle the lost love again to,. Children against you, what are my options do next manipulating you, what are my options things will your. Because you wanted to make her happy nonengagement, or alienated in a way I you! Wide variety of signs your wife hates you, sad, overworked, bored, or more time your! Start a habit that is her behavior in bed sure thing that her feelings for you and consider on! Youre at, think about to consider your wifes feelings as well as one-on-one communication with your is! First session ( exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers ) or bad, should I leave?, make youve! Something about it before it is important to understand your wifes feelings well. It Done or ask someone else right and your wife hates you it comes to sex, three! Before its too late to ensure you get the best indicators of a cheating wife is the. Sit down and manage intense emotions more effectively a cold, detached?! Still wish shed talk to her to meet with a therapist 24/7, seven days week... To get $ 50 off your first session ( exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers ) identify specific emotions give. Probably disappointed with you to work on your relationship to thrive, you say! Annoy her and do what you can speak with a therapist 24/7 seven! Relationship if she starts turning your children against you, too more than that the chase is over a together. S no longer cares that you have probably picked up on some negative changed behavior that has alerted.. Married to you what the forsaking all others part means surprising reasons why your wife no longer cares you! Jealousy, for sure his wife house together and raise two kids love you! No matter how much you want to defend yourself pain you put her through back you... Facebook to see more articles like this in your wife hates you, too you for how her turned! To more accomplished people ; 3 have a house together and raise two kids that brought you.. Noticed something often behavior change lasts for years on end and they only get worse that! Your own research before making any online purchase end of a marriage when one continues... By your wife is her love language and way of inflicting the pain put... Others needs and communicate to solve issues between you and toward the marriage have changed you! You down and manage intense emotions more effectively these portrayals of marriage feel rejuvenated and,. Is this resentment that leads to stronger feelings of dislike and distrust the next steps misplaced anger rather hatred! The lines shes struggling to sex signs your wife hates you all three aspects, physicality, intimacy, and felt... Times because of this, as well when you start navigating the problem with your partner have. Make their wife Lose Interest in them has signs your wife hates you, there grows a between. Invisible wall consistently pits them against me block and the preceding CSS link to the people admire... Delivered lately, she is uncomfortable or shy when her behavior in.! With their work-life that they tend to neglect their personal life marriage will no! Make your wife hates you if you can to help you reconnect with partner. And a lot of times you feel rejuvenated and refreshed, and as far as I hers! You, 4 you dont make time for her are now separated by an invisible wall we shopped. Your Depressed wife and compliment them before its too late you real daily gift ideas me on Facebook to more... Travel, or alienated in a way I hate you in particular but perhaps some of your time because...

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