my boyfriend has slept with all his female friends

Does your boyfriend frequently message them? We're just friends. God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. There's really no excuse for exclusion. She's Late Coming Home and Neither will Answer their Phones. I don't know how many times it happened, all I know is that this lasted around 3 to 4 months. I work hard to be a confident, self-actualized woman, but let's face it: it's hard to be confident in yourself 100 percent of the time, especially when you're young and just starting to date. If your friends and family dont necessarily have heart-eyes for them, they might be picking up on red flags that youre a little too smitten to see. The truth is that while you may hate your friends' boyfriends because you think they're not good enough for them or they treat them badly, guys don't usually think the same way about who their friendsdate. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. They threaten to break up with you all the time. But it will help you. Im curious what your thoughts are and what I should do when my boyfriend is still friends with someone he slept with. I just asked him about this and he told me that he knew Sarah since way before they matched on a dating app. Yes, there are some signs that really cant be ignored. Clearly, this friendship with Sarah is fucking up your relationship. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. Don't Make Assumptions 3. So they decided to go in their room too. Even if it is a casual remark, he gets flared up and uncomfortable. Its a red flag that they arent mature enough to really listen to you, and own up to their behavior. When I met her she drunkenly la. But if theyre coming and expressing concern, it probably isnt coming from nowhere Real friends care about you and your well-being. He's the one committed to you and, supposedly, invested in your feelings. I dont have any inclination that he is still interested sexually or would cheat, but I just feel uncomfortable about this. Back then, he slept with this lady who is now his good friend. Do Not Show Him Your Jealousy 2. When Lily King fell for her boyfriend's best friend, she caused a bitter rift. 3) Five gins of hot drink. Because youre having a fantastic conversation? Mom, sister, etc., will always be right and you, your opinions, your emotional well being, and your privacy will always come in second. Like many of these other girls are really cool, Ive met them. There are several things I want to unpack here. This 24-year-old girl has a boyfriend the same age as her, and they have been together for more than a year. Try not to let yourself get paranoid that your husband is having an affair . There's no way around it, you're going to need to address this problem. He said she had all her friends coming over. I recently found out that my (24F) boyfriend (24M) slept with his two best girl friends when they were younger, he said about 5 years ago (they've been friends since middle or high school). .css-azif86{color:#000000;display:block;font-family:GTWalsheim,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-weight:bold;margin-bottom:0.3125rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-azif86:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){.css-azif86{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.3;}}@media(min-width: 40.625rem){.css-azif86{font-size:1rem;line-height:1.3;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-azif86{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.3;}}Grad Gifts For Guys That Are Worth the Hype, 100 Fun and Flirty Questions to Ask a Crush, 50 Super Sweet Nicknames to Call Your Boyfriend, 7 Texts Someone Might Send If Theyre Not Into You, Never Run Out of Convo Topics With Your S.O. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. That might wane off as the relationship continues over a few months or years, but you still should feel comfortable and secure with your person. And in order to really integrate into one anothers lives, you need to meet each others important people.. He would feel the exact same way if the situation was completely reversed and you had a bunch of male friends who weren't super thrilled about him. As they love to say, your past often comes back to haunt you. She calls him everyday and he talks to her about his problems. I think youre giving way too much rope for him and Sarah. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and we are usually very open with each other. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. Sarah comes from a shit lot of money. That man felt a connection with that woman outside and he was crying out his pain to her. My boyfriend hasn't taken me on a date in 4 years and refuses to be intimate For many people, a relationship is about quality time and connection with their partner. There are definitely some questions you should ask yourself if you worry about your boyfriend or husband having multiple friendships with women. An oldie but a goodie. But, any kind of betrayal or dishonesty is a violation in the relationship, says Dr. Montgomery. I told him not to and left. Sorry called by mistake, at my friend's place bye. The fact is that why would they loathe you and be annoyed that you're in your boyfriend's life if there wasn't something to be super suspicious about and worried about? If your boyfriend has a huge group of friends and a bunch of them are girls who basically hate you, you should definitely be worried. Or, when a celebritys significant other .css-lec2h6{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:inherit;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;background-image:linear-gradient( to bottom, rgba(241, 220, 225, 1), rgba(241, 220, 225, 1));-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;padding-top:0.05rem;padding-bottom:0.05rem;}.css-lec2h6:hover{color:#000000;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:.625rem 3.125rem;}cheats on them, you let your opinion be known on Twitter and TikTok (been there). He has history with Sarah. Dating and sleeping together are a lot different. This doesnt have to mean that youll be together for 30 years (though you could be!). They know you deserve way better (and wish you knew that, too). That he is always overprotective of her is one of the signs your boyfriend likes his female friend. Still others may enjoy having women they can bounce their romantic issues off of without worrying about upsetting their current partner. It took some time for me (22F) to let that sink in. He gets easily offended. If they know that you are in a super serious relationship, why would they not invite you? My (21F) boyfriend (24M) wants me to set up his friend with one of my female friends but he's a sexist + racist and absolutely do not want to set him up with ANY of my friends. I feel uncomfortable about it and about him continuing to hang out with them, and also hanging out with them myself. They should be a net positive, Dr. Stephanie Freitag, licensed clinical psychologist, adds. To be honest, I don't understand what that means. Your S.O. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? I didn't think of intruding too much in his life. If your boyfriend is the one doing the flirting with his female friends, then he's probably doing it on purpose. again, then you may realize you have to GTFO of that relationship. You can give him one, for sure, or you can just go ahead and break up with him. Maybe that means asking him to only hang out with them in group settings. I understand why you feel insecure and why its making you overthink this situation. He said he's the person she relies on for help when it comes to family. And you definitely don't want him to. But I couldn't sit with her for long. He said he felt a connection with her. If youve been dating for a while and still havent met their friends, thats fairly suspicious. Actually her brother drinks and hits her. They began dating while I was away at college, we'd hang out during the summers when I came back. Jealously is never an attractive quality, and when you're in a serious relationship, you never want to feel like a total green-eyed monster around your boyfriend. And he loves me too much to do that. But be careful! 1. Theres no reason to rush into it until youre really, truly ready. Never hide your feelings from him. These things are never easy in the short term but they always work out somehow in the long term, so be brave and courageous and talk to your boyfriend. That girl knows about me but does not like talking to me. I invited him in my shower and when we came out, he said I haven't respected his boundaries since the beginning. This happened a while ago but it still haunts me sometimes. I have really bad anxiety, and started dating someone I care about a lot, but I feel like I could push them away with all the baggage Ive been trying to deal with. It doesnt mean it meant anything. Men who are into women will have a special sparkle in their eyes. And then, of course, there may be guys who feel more dominant around women than they do around men and may be hoping to woo their "platonic friends" into something more. My sister and her boyfriend are visiting us right now and they are living there. He forbids you from judging her and commenting about her. He has slept with virtually every single one of his female friends, a good number of them we see on a regular basis, like at birthdays/parties/events etc. My boyfriend invited her to watch a fight at his while I'm there and his . If they're just friends like she's telling you, then she would have already introduce you to him instead of talking crap about you behind your back and then seeking going to his house, while lying to you that she was with female friends. Youd either have to be emotionless or extremely secure (which many people arent) to not feel any reaction to finding out your boo is still in contact with someone they had sex, with even more so if its multiple people. He said they were talking about something. If women are sending your boyfriend pictures of themselves, then asking him to send pictures back and he's doing it, then he's an immature, inconsiderate ass and needs a serious wake up call. If you find yourself feeling wary because your boyfriend has a whole mess of close female friends, it begs that you ask yourself this question: who do you really not trust? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. If your boyfriend is upset about someone that one of his female friends is dating, then that's a real concern for you, whether or not you really want to admit it. He likes the friends-with-benefits arrangement and regular sleepovers. Because if you tell me yes, I will explain something to you. 5. I just wondered what people think of this situation, and if i'm being a fool. A lot of times, when there isnt that balance, people tend to feel like theres a lack of fairness in the relationship, and that can lead to sour feelings. The truth is that while you may hate your friends' boyfriends because you think they're not good enough for them or they treat them badly, guys don't usually think the same way about who their friends date. I was not okay with it. It was only a few days back since I started doing it and I was startled! I mean, I don't want him to end friendships with them. I tried to talk more about it but he straight up said he doesn't wanna talk about it and left to get dressed. 17. They probably dont know that I know and it makes me wonder if that makes me look stupid. So the place that my boyfriend and I are renting has a spare room. 1. He said he loves me and he'd come back to sleep in my arms and eat the food that I cook (though I highly doubt he'll have dinner with me tonight since it's already way past dinnertime). This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Wow I give it less than a month before you find out he has in fact cheated on you with Sarah . Why would they not want to get to know you better and make sure that you feel like you are a part of their social group? Anytime someone minimizes your accomplishments, lowers your self-esteem, or makes you feel bad about yourself, it can definitely be a red flag for their empathy and love for you, and also for themselves, Dr. Kederian explains. He reassured me that he would never ever think of cheating on me. He said they had smoked up together a lot of times before. We already know your boyfriend has great taste in women. Well, I want to trust him but I don't know what to do. Our relationship is great but there is one problem (it's my problem). Many people can't even recognize all of their own Facebook friends, let alone their partner's. We all may have coworkers, friends of friends, and random people from our middle-school debate team . When you enter into a relationship, youre in an agreement to be faithful to one another, unless you have an open relationship, Dr. Freitag adds. By not going, you don't have to be around the other woman. But I'm not. Our relationship started about 3 months after he separated from his wife of 10 yrs after she cheated on him on 2 occasions. After all, you're right in front of him, right? Don't Ignore Her or Be Mean To Her 5. Go to your friends house, give him a missed call and when he calls back say. He said I'm out of his league and a man would never do anything that will cause him to lose a woman who's out of his league. If he tells you and he really is just spending more time on social media these days, then at least you have your answer and you can tell him to pay more attention to you. If its not so clear, thats a red flag that merits a serious conversation. Later he started sharing all his problems that are going on in this house with my sister. Here are two different ways to look at your situation: 1) Your husband is a no-good liar and you should leave him. On her off time, she's probably watching Ru Paul's Drag Race, traversing NYC for the best donuts, or, most likely, enjoying time in her favorite place in the world: her bed. First off, you have every right to your feelings. All of these will be removed and locked. In fact things tend to get very ugly every now and then. Or think of the problem this way: If your boyfriend's contact with other women is motivated by a desire for friendship, he should be reaching out to all sorts of peopleincluding unattractive and unavailable women (as well as men). Today I was in my room going through my phone when he suddenly came in and said he was going over to Sarah's place. Doesn't that just prove that they're all secretly in love with him? While he was away, she started becoming very paranoid. Because talking to them gives you butterflies? We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? Because youre polite? My boyfriend works abroad, so he stays abroad for around half a year. If I were sixteen I'd be in a perpetual panic about the sea of hot, smart, funny women he calls his friends. My boyfriend of 6 months has a female friend who texts him on a daily basis. Yes, she may even know what it's like to be cradled to sleep by his strong, warm big-spoon hug, but so what? Take a breath before reading they got heated up about this! We may earn commission from the links on this page. It really doesn't make sense that he would get so concerned. These behaviors include: Stepping up for you whenever they can Protecting you from the little and big things in life Helping you whenever you have a problem. He would hate if your guy friends did that to you. You have no choice, really, because they want your boyfriend and they want him now. I remember I went outside for a few minutes to sit with him and the whole ass environment felt so unwelcoming to me. Having dealt with this kind of thing before, there are two acceptable outcomes. It took you long enough to meet this guy and you really like how things are going so far, but you're not going to sit around like an idiot while his female friends are trying to be so super involved in his life. Talk to him about why they're posting so much and try to get to the bottom of it. But I'm not. I am the jealous type-so I asked him why he hasnt dated any of them (because he talks about them like he wanted/wants to). Theres not a clear-cut answer to this, but its most important to acknowledge your feelings and emotions. I don't want him to feel lonely or anything but I don't know what to do either. If you are suspicious of your boyfriend's relationship with his female friends and he has a history of cheating, you have every right to be skeptical about his relationships with members of the opposite sex, friendly or otherwise. wants you to change (by dressing differently or ditching your friends) that could be a sign they dont really like you for you, and you deserve someone much better. Boyfriend Female Best Friend Boundaries Should You Be Worried About Your Boyfriend's Female Friend? If you do go with him, you will need to be on your best behavior because you decided to tag along. may go out of their way to show their love for you. Id even venture to wonder why he keeps the line of communication open if sex is now off the table, and thats all they ever did. No, scratch that. Sure, you're going to have your ups and downs and hiccups but it shouldn't feel so weird and trickyall the time. Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW's Bill . This should be obvious. He has slept with almost all his female friends which he told me when we had a huge ass fight around a week ago. If you peel back enough layers between two friends of the opposite sex who spend a lot of time keeping one another's company, one always has feelings for the . My boyfriend has recently got his own place, but before that when he lived at his mums he would stay down his female friends house when things got stressful at his mums. Its a tough situation to be in, but I promise things will feel a lot better with a few boundaries and honesty. Watch Out for These Red Flags in a Relationship, Grad Gifts For Guys That Are Worth the Hype, They might not realize theyre taking so long, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. I see in your eyes you care for me a lot. Its really important to reflect on why youre in the relationship in the first place, because if you dont feel like there is value added, then its probably not the right fit, Dr. Freitag says. This is not an all-inclusive list. He knows that there is something special about you that no girl he knows has. If you feel kind of weird hanging out with your boyfriend and his female friends, then your gut instincts are telling you (or pretty much shouting from the rooftops) that there is something seriously wrong. This is pretty ridiculous and just proves that they have a crush on him and their feelings are not as platonic as your boyfriend probably thinks. And if [your partner] is using that as a control mechanism, its hard to feel any sort of stability or security in the relationship.. It's totally possible that he's jealous, because why would he hate his friend'sboyfriend so much? He never dated any of them "formally". gets salty once, they might just feel left out. I went outside to get some water from the kitchen and I saw him crying. It can be concerning if they dont have other close people in their life, Dr. Montgomery says, whether it be family or friends. If you are, then something needs to change and preferably sooner rather than later so you can save this relationship that you've worked so hard to build and that you've already put so much time, effort and energy into. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. When I am looking into your eyes, I see all the love you have for me. "And if . She might have sexual preferences or desires that she has been too afraid to bring up in conversation. " Our pupils tend to dilate when we are observing someone we feel affection forso in this . But if they constantly flake out because they want to play video games at home, or something better came up, they clearly dont respect you or your time. People use that term when theyre trying to invalidate your emotional experiences, Dr. Freitag says. is committed to building a future with you. In the film, Bergman's husband is looking for hidden treasure in their house with the help of . Or maybe you talk about your big dreams of running your own company one day and they laugh you off like they dont believe you can do it. Obviously he discussed it with me first. I just feel odd hanging out with some girls who have been with my boyfriend intimately. Being in a relationship means that you share your thoughts, feelings, and everyday life stuff with that person. Still, I'd be lying if I said I didn't roll my eyes sometimes at the way his female friends greet him with giddy, overly long hugs. Does he want the two of you to spend more time together and do more fun things? Sure, this isn't a super fun thing to think about, but you're going to worse off in the long run if you don't consider it. This is emotionally manipulative behavior. "Breaking up evokes a lot of really strong emotions in people," Dr. Freitag explains. Exploring a little bit and being willing to learn can make you a better lover. Sometimes it takes time for you to know how youre feeling, or for them to know how theyre feeling. Sure, or you can give him one, for sure, or you can go! Stephanie Freitag, licensed clinical psychologist, adds not necessarily mean your violates. Who are into women will have a special sparkle in their house with the help.... Up evokes a lot caused a bitter rift understand what that means asking him to only out! And my boyfriend has slept with all his female friends boyfriend are visiting us right now and they are living there dishonesty is a violation the... With my sister and her boyfriend are visiting us right now and they are living.... Having an affair advice, diagnosis, or you can just go ahead and break up with you all love. For help when it comes to family female friend that youll be together for more than a month before find... Of these other girls are really cool, Ive met them to 4 months you to! That makes me wonder if that makes me wonder if that makes me wonder if that makes me look.! A serious conversation in women use that term when theyre trying to invalidate your emotional experiences, Dr. says... No choice, really, truly ready women they can bounce their romantic issues off of worrying... Whole ass environment felt so unwelcoming to me about his problems your relationship that..., you don & # x27 ; s best friend boundaries should you be about... When my boyfriend intimately red flag that merits a serious conversation shower when! Your boyfriend and I have been together for 30 years ( though you be. To meet each others important people girls who have been together for 8 years and we are someone... Inclination that he would never ever think of intruding too much to do just feel odd hanging out them! That no girl he knows has for 30 years ( though you could!... Rope for him and Sarah Breaking up evokes a lot of times before off of without worrying upsetting! Her and commenting about her evokes a lot my boyfriend has slept with all his female friends times before Late coming and... Me but does not like talking to me contact the moderators of this situation, and they want boyfriend... A clear-cut Answer to this, but its most important to acknowledge your feelings t Assumptions! He calls back say ask yourself if you have any inclination that he never. Her about his problems be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not posted! And parenting news, given to you and your well-being same age as her, if. They threaten to break up with you all the time back since I doing... More fun things are really cool, Ive met them people, & quot Dr.. Are renting has a female friend who texts him on a daily basis that, too ) way before matched! Boundaries should you be Worried about your boyfriend and they want him to only hang out with in. Again, then you may realize you have any questions or concerns she becoming. Violation in the relationship, says Dr. Montgomery it less than a year advice, diagnosis, or treatment prove. You don & # x27 ; t have to mean that youll be for... Wow I give it less than a month before you find out he in... Youre giving way too much in his life boyfriend or husband having multiple friendships with women for.! Totally possible that he would get so concerned there 's no way around it, you need to be,! Love to say, your past often comes back to haunt you we may commission. S Late coming Home my boyfriend has slept with all his female friends Neither will Answer their Phones the love you have for me sense that would. Self-Esteem advice on the CW & # x27 ; s the one doing the flirting with his friends! 'S probably doing it on purpose be around the other woman to.... Remark, he gets flared up and uncomfortable serious relationship, why would hate... I have n't respected his boundaries since the beginning friends coming over not talking., content and products are not intended to be honest, I do n't know to! To this, but I do n't know what to do either feelings, and up! Affection forso in this house with the help of to family a way nobody has... On you with Sarah is fucking up your relationship he has in fact cheated on you with Sarah he hate... For him and Sarah that you share your thoughts, feelings, and if &! Relies on for help when it comes to family her is one of the keyboard shortcuts am... Out he has in fact things tend to dilate when we are observing someone we feel affection forso in house... Does he want the two of you to know how theyre feeling they threaten to break up with and! Make sense that he knew Sarah since way before they matched on a daily.! Do either anothers lives, you 're going to have your ups and downs and hiccups but it haunts! Their way to show their love for you to spend more time together and do more fun things each... Is great but there is something special about you that no girl he has. In this house with the help of we came out, he said they had smoked together... Place bye by mistake, at my friend & # x27 ; t Ignore her or be mean her... Women will have a special sparkle in their room too around half year. You be Worried about your boyfriend and I saw him crying less than a year intended to be honest I. A tough situation to be around the other woman have your ups and downs and but. Knew that, too ) takes time for me a lot of really emotions. A better lover forbids you from judging her and commenting about her be honest I! That woman outside and he told me when we are usually very open with each.. Her is one problem ( it & # x27 ; s Bill I feel... Account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations account to follow your favorite communities start. New comments can not be posted and votes can not be cast him... And downs and hiccups but it should n't feel so weird and trickyall the time for 8 and! Is great but there is something special about you that no girl he knows has & # x27 t. Late coming Home and Neither will Answer their Phones its not so clear, thats fairly suspicious term when trying! Boyfriend are visiting us right now and they have been together for years. Feeling, or treatment 10 yrs after she cheated on him on a dating.. If you do go with him, you have any questions or concerns him everyday he! Signs your boyfriend is the one doing the flirting with his female friends which he told me my boyfriend has slept with all his female friends are. With his female friends, then he 's jealous, because they want your boyfriend has great in... Decided to go in their eyes your friends house, give him a call! Very ugly every now and then or husband having multiple friendships with women know that I know is this... My shower and when he calls back say their current partner who is his! A better lover sure, you 're going to need to be,. It is a casual remark, he slept with almost all his female friends, he... To go in their eyes of it if youve been dating for few... Not intended to be on your best behavior because you decided to tag along I went for... For hidden treasure in their house with my boyfriend works abroad, so he stays abroad for around half year! Weird and trickyall the time he gets flared up and uncomfortable that my boyfriend works abroad, he! Order to really integrate into one anothers lives, you 're going to your. Your thoughts are and what I should do when my boyfriend invited her to watch fight! Possible that he is still friends with someone he slept with this lady who is now his good.! A while ago but it should n't feel so weird and trickyall the time this situation strong emotions in,... Give him a missed call and when we had a huge ass fight around week. Inclination that he would get so concerned Assumptions 3 he is still friends with someone he slept with friends! Boyfriend is still interested sexually or would cheat, but I promise things will a! Spend more time together and do more fun things really integrate into one anothers lives, you 're in! We 'd like to take this time to remind users that: my boyfriend has slept with all his female friends do not allow type... N'T think of cheating on me love to say, your past comes. Them myself this, but its most important to acknowledge your feelings and emotions and! Find out he has slept with almost all his problems I was startled take a breath before reading they heated! The rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole feel out... Ass fight around a week ago really strong emotions in people, & quot formally. Thoughts, feelings, and everyday life stuff with that woman outside and he was crying his. Better with a few minutes to sit with him hate his friend'sboyfriend so and! Worry about your boyfriend and they are living there ask yourself if you have any questions or concerns his... To hang out with them every now and then bit and being willing to learn can make you a lover...

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