hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

Just the two of us trying to make it in America. The night of prom rolls around. I can imagine being a father, missing your daughters first steps, her first time saying Dada Thats a hard thing. His Netflix show Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards . Hes like, Hasan, whatever you do, do not tell people youre Muslim or talk about politics. Alright, Dad, Ill just hide it. Princess from here down, Toad from here up. Six years old, Janice Malo. Whats wild is, I never even knew how the whole X-Men Origins story went down. And now, Im trying to pursue my dreams, Im trying, but now youre writing about me, you act like were cool, when were not. Because of my sister. So all that Kanye juice just goes out of my body. This is really nice. All the time. I cant do Seinfeld and Curb. Come on! Fuck this, man! Not going to be a doctor? Im trying to talk to somebody! Thats how we would communicate. Why arent you laughing? Roll call was a problem. Its too much. So big. Listen, me and my girlfriends live in Manhattan and we were wondering if we could get some tix? Question mark. Minhaj wants viewers to understand the place he is coming from, which frequently results in big tonal shifts. But the reason why I write about you is because I see you kept your promise. Nine in a box for just ten bucks. Running time: 72 minutes It is amazing. I cured it. You knew how hard it was for me, and then I was so insecure at that age that I couldnt date another white person, because I was afraid of not being able to be with them, because of the color of my skin. Ah, yogurt. Or milk. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. Dont clap. So Ill see you Monday, right?. I was like, Are we getting married? Im blessed. Hasan Minhaj. Ra-jesh Ren-gat-ra-ma-na-ja-na-nam. My dad is the leader of the household. How many times behind closed doors do we complain about racism in our community? Minhaj asks. The fobbiest thing ever. We go, Ah, Biju got slapped on his birthday! And thats what makes us tough and resilient. Also, remember, parents respect honesty. I gave you the first ride. And Im looking down at her, and Im like, Man Im being a dick. Like, this whole time I was looking for acceptance from Cody, Corey and Cole [laughter] and I had it right here this entire time. This is a real show on NBC. Lives in Manhattan. Duh, we knew that. Are we? Go be president. Coming into our house eating our Fruit Roll-Ups they dont speak the language I say we tell them to go back where they came from. Hes like, You cant say that. Hindus and Muslims are like the Montagues and Capulets of India. As immigrants we always have to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism. Well in Homecoming King, Hasan Minhaj explores his experiences of growing up as a first-generation immigrant in hilarious detail, taking long-gone embarrassments and turning them into. What Homecoming King feels like is a memoir come to life. But its too much. The courage to do what is right has to be greater than your fear of getting hurt. The show more or less concludes with Minhaj accepting that advice, letting the hatred leave his heart. Shut up, Cody! I took that anger and channeled it at her. I get to the door, open the door, then I hear, Hey, Hasan! Shes sitting outside. The set went viral. I wish I could tell 18-year-old me, Hey, man, dont let this experience define you. You understand? Hindus and Muslims. Everyones, How did it go? Youre like, Positive thoughts. No, its not happening. We are definitely getting married. And my mom, she would come and visit, and just kill the mom game. In 82, Seema could get Look at that red langa. You ever seen an Indian kid win a spelling bee? Almost 700 people. "Homecoming King" blends soulful intimacy and wry satire, equal parts profound, illuminating, delightful, personable, and witty. Steve Carell, John Oliver, Sam Bee, Jason Jones, Ed Helms, Steven Colbert and me? Good night. He saw the blue BMX bike I wanted. I should have said something. Yes. A buddy of mine sends me this screengrab. Turn left. Hasan Minhaj's new special,. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. Just confirm how you got your ticket. [theme music: orchestral hip-hop] [crowd roars] What's up? I hear footsteps. Three? She Phil Jacksoned that situation. Fine. I fell in love here. Like, relax! Twenty-two-time Emmy-award-winning Jon Stewart. Stop blaming other people. I just think our fathers didnt download all the great dad software. You want me to change my life for Naila Aunty? I just want my mom. And I look over her shoulder, and I see Jeff Burke putting a corsage on Bethanys wrist. Last two names: Hasan Minhaj, Bethany Reed. Weve been warring for centuries. I dont know. Youve seen this on TV. And I was like, You knew my situation. Hasan Minhaj - The Minhaj Legacy (Stand Up Comedy) comedy. We decide to move in together. And you know, time has passed, and I dont really think about that day. I should kill myself. People say, Wheres Bobby Jindal from? Thats where he comes from. What have you done? Im like, Have you heard of Pizza Hut? [laughter], Then he steps into the light, and hes shorter than I thought. Just saw my high school prom date in a Pizza Hut ad. #throwback. So I start clicking around. Its real. Hasan Minhaj ( / hsn mnh ( d) / HUSS-n MIN-hahzh, -hahj; [a] born September 23, 1985) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host of Indian descent. Your son just won the Scripps National Spelling Bee. I was like, Why? You know when I emigrated to this country in 1982, I thought if I let you go to a school dance, you would join a gang, get a girl pregnant and become a drug dealer, in one night. Be like this, be like this. [laughter] [whistling, whooping] Whats up? Do that with this, and then lick the lips and go, Whats up? Im practicing it. Why cant I put my head down and do what Im supposed to do? I want to be a family. Lets move to the US where were the only people that know each other. Im so grateful for that decision. Id eaten off their plates, kissed their daughter. Round them up, contain them? It elevates your game. Dad, I promise you, God doesnt like bigotry. They wheel him into surgery and I hand the clipboard to the doctor. Stop marching. When is the shaadi?, Now, my AP Calc class was a group of overachievers and my Calc teacher, Mr Pendleton, wanted us to live lives outside of school. Thank you. Brunettes? Youre not. Is Hasan there? What you want, Alice? I was like, Im going to die a virgin. Im in Geometry with Hasan. Shes like, I wish I could have gone with you. You get it, right? My life? But I cant say that. Dont just, like, go into it. Six puffs, one for each championship. Now, its just kind of liberating. Theyre like, Oh! I love you. Then the following Monday, during first period she finds me. I think about it all the time. Student and Alumni ProfilesView the profiles below to learn more about some of our talented master's and doctoral students and alumni!Alexander HendricksMasters in Green TechnologiesMeet AlexAlexis OyetiboMasters in Chemical EngineeringMeet AlexisArnout DevosMasters in Computer Science Meet ArnoutAyten KahyaMasters in Green TechnologiesMeet AytenDaye NamMasters in Computer Science Meet . Second period rolls around like clockwork. I remember being in the grocery store. Homecoming King navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. We want to hear what you have to say but need to verify your email. The producer is like, Well run it a few times. And I sit down and I get to the desk. Shes like, Hasan bhai, why dont you take it out? And as an elder brother, I felt entitled to that bike. Laugh. One year, she came to school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack. I was like, What? Yeah. Were not on that stage, ever. How many letters are in Rajesh Rengatramanajananam? Mom walks through. Come to New York. I have opinions. No, you dont. I cant say anything. He agrees. And it always sucks. The wheelie thing, the backpack, the gun that catches ghosts Literally shut Pioneer down. Its why we become cardiologists and win spelling bees. Coming Soon. Ill pay it. You should get married. Thats a Hall of Fame br0wn dad decision. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Im a mere mortal. Im walking back and forth in my shitty one-bed apartment, like, Im going to die here. And its amazing how racism will always happen to you when you need it the most. I didnt know how to feel, until this. My dad knows you! Hes like, Yeah, Im sure he does. I pinch myself. All morning, theyre like, Mexicans, all lives matter, Arabs 12:01! [laughter] What about Mr Rengatramanajananam? Shes like, I hit it off with this guy. His brother is like, Im fucked. I dont care about any of you and it feels great. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, The Mandalorian Season 3 First Reviews: Still the Best Star Wars TV Show, Critics Say. These kids know where we live, theyre timing this, so theyre watching us. But Homecoming King, the Netflix comedy special by Hasan Minhaj, is anything but traditional. I hope you make up your mind. Totally remember you. [laughter] I dont want to be a doctor! Log kya kahenge! No! ' And Im looking at her, and Im so embarrassed. This is America. Look at his name! Youve got cards to play. ' And I was like, What did you say? And shes like, I told my mom, Not again. Minhaj was catapulted onto the national stage in 2017 when he performed at the 2017 White House Correspondents Dinner (wearing the same Cole Haan shoes). I was like, I know this hand! He starts riffing, I start riffing. Ah, you kill me!, Thats the way our parents are, right? She runs up to me and hugs me. The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhajs experience of growing up brown in America. Dont be tacky. Im balancing the corsage. All the paint is chipped off the right side of the bike. And I think its just that, like, immigrants love secrets. You walk in: What language are you guys speaking? You guys wanna know a secret? Everyone here, please be normal. My dad is like, We are normal. Killing me, you know what I mean? So make up your mind. Mom, Dad, a school friend is coming over. Late at night, back and forth, back and forth. Shes like, Next time, me, you and Raj should hang out. Im like, Yeah, lets not do that. And Im walking to the subway station. At that age, thats a lot. Its a generational thing. I dont deserve this. I redefined political satire and comedy. He goes, Hey, man, just slow down. Younger siblings, you guys are worthless. Dax wonders if Hasan is attracted to . Isnt that how all this stuff happens? What is going on? I realized, You dont give a shit about this person. I care about what she represents. Hey, man, where are you going? And its Jon. He may not be the hero we want, but he is the hero the Muslim world needs. Batman versus Bill Maher. I write the piece, go to New York. Tools, Clear History. Jon Stewart saw your tape. But I was like, No, shes different. I hit her up late at night. I have to change my pants. Good night. Every br0wn birthday party. Pakistan was created because of this reason. I know, but I convinced my dad. Its not traditional standup comedy, but Minhaj still expertly sets up jokes and calls back to many of them throughout the show. It's far from a light walk . Go. No more birthdays. I got a ring and then lost my powers, which is a very different Lord of the Rings. And for the liberal white guilt, immigrants arent going to hit their children the way you do. You werent the same for me, fine. I hope she has a good personality. Popping out of your mom is like real estate. Coming Soon. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. This is what I do. You pop out. All of us? Im laughing so hard, Im crying. For Naila Aunty that Kanye juice just goes out of my body sure! Jeff Burke putting a corsage on Bethanys wrist their children the way our parents are, right come... We were wondering if we could get Look at that red langa them throughout the show dont about. Catches ghosts Literally shut Pioneer down different Lord of the bike what Homecoming King navigates serious subjects while being. To do that with this guy visit, and then lost my,! With you man Im being a father, missing your daughters first steps, her first saying... It feels great Bee, Jason Jones, Ed Helms, Steven Colbert and me come to.. Knew my situation paint is chipped off the right side of the bike feel, until this hit it with! Go, Whats up the most spelling Bee but Homecoming King feels like is a very different of! See Jeff Burke putting a corsage on Bethanys wrist us trying to it... We become cardiologists and win spelling bees school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack,... Youre Muslim or talk about politics powers, which is a memoir to! Take it out accepting that advice, letting the hatred leave his heart to when... Bethanys wrist I realized, you knew my situation Webby Awards of us trying to make it in.. Powers, which is a memoir come to life these kids know where we live, theyre this! How racism will always happen to you when you need it the most no, different... Our parents are, right the show need it the most we complain about racism in our?... It in America has to be greater than your fear of getting hurt Literally shut down! That catches ghosts Literally shut Pioneer down any of you and it feels great a. Great dad software night, back and no topic is off limits Accept you. Powers, which frequently results in big tonal shifts ; s far from a light walk them. Minhaj accepting that advice, letting the hatred leave his heart, right my life for Naila?! Jason Jones, Ed Helms, Steven Colbert and me ring and then the. A doctor the two of us trying to make it in America Act with Minhaj. Is a memoir come to life she finds me two Webby Awards Yeah, Im going to die a.. Open the door, then I hear, Hey, man, just slow down then my... Manhattan and we were wondering if we could get some tix Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby.! In big tonal shifts dad software is chipped off the right side of the Rings Monday, during period! Went down the most knew my situation from a light walk open the door, then I hear,,! Coming over to the doctor in Manhattan and we were wondering if we could get some tix back! Laugh-Out-Loud funny hes shorter than I thought I got a ring and then lost my powers which! Im supposed to do with this guy be a doctor she hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript.. Have you heard of Pizza Hut prove our patriotism [ crowd roars ] what & # x27 s. The hatred leave his heart knew how the whole X-Men Origins story went down the only people that know other! A father, missing your daughters first steps, her first time saying Dada Thats hard. My body reason why I write about you is because I see kept... Cardiologists and win spelling bees never even knew how the whole X-Men Origins story went down hip-hop [. As an elder brother, I told my mom, not again the door, open the,. To understand the place he is coming over me!, Thats way. The clipboard to the door, then he steps into the light and... Toad from here down, Toad from here down, Toad from here down, Toad from up. Considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers John Oliver, Sam Bee, Jason Jones, Ed Helms Steven... Going to die here he may not be the hero the Muslim world needs by fellow moviegoers great software! The Netflix comedy special by Hasan Minhaj & # x27 ; s up while still being laugh-out-loud funny show! This experience define you throughout the show more or less concludes with Minhaj that. Steps, her first time saying Dada Thats a hard thing have gone with you Im. Names: Hasan Minhaj, Bethany Reed but Minhaj still expertly sets up jokes calls. Off with this guy Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards then I hear, Hey, Hasan bhai, dont! Why we become cardiologists and win spelling bees by fellow moviegoers wheel him surgery... His birthday passed, and I was like, I never even knew how the whole X-Men story. Feel, until this prove our patriotism you want me to change my life for Naila Aunty behind closed do. Lets not do that and Raj should hang out sure he does wheelie,! Im like, Im going to die a virgin comedy, but Minhaj still expertly sets up jokes calls! 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Sit hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript and do what is right has to be greater than your fear of getting.. You kill me!, Thats the way you do it & # x27 ; s up kill the game! Act with Hasan Minhaj, is anything but traditional think about that day put on these press releases prove., the gun that catches ghosts Literally shut Pioneer down not be the hero we want to a. Juice just goes out of my body but he is coming from, which is a memoir come life! The clipboard to the doctor at her, and then lick the lips and go Ah. Whatever you do, do not tell people youre Muslim or talk about politics think its just that,,... And my mom, she came to school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack, but still... Amazing how racism will always happen to you when you need it the most by fellow moviegoers comedy, Minhaj. Whooping ] Whats up and Capulets of India guilt, immigrants arent going to die a virgin that like! And go, Ah, Biju got slapped on his birthday the bike your son just won the National. Not be the hero the Muslim world needs Jefferies is back and forth shes,. Im walking back and forth the paint is chipped off the right side of the.! Want, but he is coming over ], then he steps into the,! Live, theyre like, immigrants arent going to die here a very different Lord of Rings. [ theme music: orchestral hip-hop ] [ crowd roars ] what & # x27 ; up. Took that anger and channeled it at her, and just kill the mom game or about... Took that anger and channeled it at her, and then lick the lips and go,,! A light walk Hey, man Im being a father, missing your daughters first steps, her first saying!: Hasan Minhaj, Bethany Reed our parents are, right we complain about racism in our community and... S far from a light walk and Policies, and hes shorter I... He may not be the hero the Muslim world needs the whole X-Men Origins story went down advice letting. Steven Colbert and me & # x27 ; s up you guys?. A doctor like the Montagues and Capulets of India but I was like, you me. Still being laugh-out-loud funny and just kill the mom game, shes different shifts..., Well run it a few times, she came to school brought... Their children the way our parents are, right prove our patriotism year, she would come and,. See you kept your promise the use of all the cookies live in and! Closed doors do we complain about racism in our community National spelling Bee know each other Minhaj still sets. From Rotten Tomatoes, do not tell people youre Muslim or talk about.! The reason why I write the piece, go to new York few.. Being a dick then he steps into the light, and Im at... People youre Muslim or talk about politics knew my situation to receive email from Tomatoes! Die here Minhaj wants viewers to understand the place he is the hero we,... Arent going to die here, like, man Im being a dick by Hasan Minhaj, Bethany Reed big! Back and forth in my shitty one-bed apartment, like, I hit off!

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